Politics is broken!
Splitting the left has a noble tradition!
Splitting the left is the best way to ensure that Conservative politics continues to dominate the political landscape, despite representing the interests of just a few people.
Watch a Message About Our Campaigns
mps are helping to secure a conservative victory
blue ticked twitter supporters (including Katie Hopkins!)
About Our Foundation
We’re the centre
Not sure what this means yet, but we don’t like Jeremy Corbyn so will ensure the worst prime minister in the history of the country stays in power.
Notable billionaire and author JK Rowling is behind us, and you know that means Harry is too!
We believe in a #peoplesvote but unironically have decided that splitting the left vote and ensuring the ERG gets its way is the best way to support our #brexit policy. Or something.
Higher taxes on the super rich will not help to support the NHS, our education services or anything because the super rich can just leave and then they’ll pay nothing. No idea where they’ll go but, you know, this is an evolving position.
We have the power to do something, but we’ve decided to look like we’re doing something instead.
Change is hard and is likely to lead to some people paying more taxes to support the National Health Service and other stuff. We’re big fans of change, but we don’t want it to happen just yet. We aspire to change. #aspiration #dontchangeyet #supportthestatusquo
Change should be happening now!
People of a non-funny tinge (a bit like you) are behind us.
An important note about the new visual identity
We struggled to come up with a visual device that adequately represents the four bits of the UK we no longer represent. And then, it hit us. Why have colour/tinges when you can just be monochome. Why be even slightly bent when you can have strong, straight lines that show how strong and straight we all are (sub please check, no one has used this for a flag, like any terrible group which is founded on bigotry). Also, the new name has been revealed! Change UK The Independent Group (CUKTIG). Oh tigers have stripes like we do too. A successful day!
An important note about our politics
The most important idea in the politics of change is to make sure things remain the same. And so in any confidence vote we will be supporting Theresa May. People have said we’re all shitting ourselves about the prospect of losing seats, but it’s a point of principle that we’re big fans of the hostile environments for people of tinge.
An important note about the IHRA
Obviously we’re very concerned about anti-semitism, this is the reason many of us left the Labour Party. Yes, yes, we know our old party adopted the IHRA definition, so it makes perfect sense for us to have no mention of this in our non-existent codes of conduct or our non-existent manifesto. It is coming. Probably. If we get beyond the end of next week. Note to self: check how CLPs work. Oh, and remember we can’t do this alone; please donate to this private company and we’ll (possibly) let you know where the money goes if and when we have some sort of governance structure in place.
An important note on day one
It went well! Well, as good as could be expected; we’ve only been planning this since the last coup attempt innit? Angela went on television to set out our anti-racist credentials and, well, probably less said the better. Let’s just say her cheeks when a funny tinge of pink when she realised. We have some stellar endorsements! Katie Hopkins (who almost won The Apprentice and, apparently, has done literally nothing since then) hailed us as a new force for moderate politics! Thanks Katie, you’re the kind of strong feminist we hope to attract. A few comedians almost endorsed us, but didn’t quite. We need more of the funnymen! Jim, Roy, Graham give us a call, Gavin even voted against marriage equality – he’s your kind of guy! No one has really dug into the finances yet, which is great! Also, no one’s asked why we didn’t just join the LibDems, which is a pretty good question. Answer: we really didn’t want to nail our flag to any mast policy-wise because we don’t really have any principles. Simples! That bit was like the meerkat on the adverts! There will be more amazing stuff tomorrow and then on to obscurity! (And a consultancy at a water company for Angela!). Buy!
An important note about our funding!
Amazingly, we are not going to tell you anything. Great isn’t it? Despite having the trappings of a political party (including MPs!), The Independent Group is actually a private company, and therefore we don’t have to worry about boring stuff like electoral law or campaign financing regualtions. Great! That stuff is boring! Anyway, we’re not sure our MPs are allowed to represent a private company. We should probably talk with Grant Schapps, David Davis or Boris Johnson about that.
An important note about racism in our party
So soon FFS! Angela is sorry if anyone was offended by her use of the term ‘a funny tinge’ to describe black and minority ethnic people. Angela is clear (doesn’t Theresa keep saying that?) that she is not racist and understands that water privatisation has been a positive for all involved, especially water companies. As we’re not really that convinced this grift will go on beyond the end of April, we have neglected to put in place any processes for dealing with the institutional racism in the non-party, so ho hum. GFY?
Change will only come if we work together, hence the split!
Our Top Priorities
We have some finely crafted policies that will unite us in common cause. We will not, however be able to talk about them yet because that would lead to further splits.
Rest assured we will do something and it will not alienate the left or the right.
Forests are good. Not sure how we’ll protect them. Are we against fracking, or not? Time will tell.
Probably some of Labour’s policies, but not so extreme (like actually doing something) because that will alienate the tories.
Hunting is illegal and bad. Will Anna be annoyed if we actually suggest enforcing the law?
Corbyn is a vegetarian. Can he be trusted to let farmers continue exploiting animals? I’m sure we’ll have something to say.
All our founder members will be resigning their positions as MPs to stand under this new banner.
“Excellent news. A new centre-left party headed up by Chuka Umunna and Luciana Berger and 5 other Labour MPs emerges. Great news for the moderate Left, a step forwards for British politics and a pressing need for urgent voting reform to support coalition politics.”
Katie Hopkins, bigot.
Theresa May, Britain’s worst (and next) Prime Minister.
“It’s not just about being black or a funny tinge…”
Angela Smith, MP for a private company
“I’m not joining this political party. My allegiance is… Taken (hahahahaha).”
Liam Neeson, vigilante